What's in a Journal?

I just finished watching the Terminator. Actually a pretty good movie, better than expected. I can kinda see why it is that it's become such a cultural force in so many ways and has spawned so many spoofs. It's also interesting watching the original after seeing the spoofs. Ahnold has less of an accent than I thought, and several of the lines were a little different than I thought they would be. Oh parody, how powerful you can be. As for what I did today before that, however, we'll do that now. I woke up at around 9, but just kinda chilled until about 10. I was waiting to see if I'd need to go in and watch choir auditions for chamber next year, but I was not needed. I took care of a few other things while I was waiting. I realized I hadn't paid power yet and it was due today. Normally I mail in a check, but that wouldn't get there in time, so I thought to avoid a late fee of 1% by paying in some other way. I looked at the back and saw that I could pay over the phone and so I tried. I forgot where I sent my VISA bill, though, so I talked with a customer service rep. In talking he revealed I could pay online instead without having to pay the $4.95 service charge, so I opened an account and paid online. Good way to kill about 40 minutes, oh wait, no it wasn't. It is good to see all the past bill amounts and a few other things they store online, though. I went to the Philosophy dept. after that. Studied a little bit before taking my last realy test. I had the 19th Cent. Phil test. Didn't go too badly, although it could've done better. I got a paper back and discovered that I got an A-, which was definitely better than expected. That paper also accounted for 25% of my grade, so I'm feeling a little better about that grade now. I went to Walmart and bought some white t-shirts and a tie-dye kit. I finally took care of those and they sat around from about 6 until roughly 12:30. I'm actually pretty happy with how they turned out. They're for my dance piece that's being performed tomorrow. It'll be good. I'll tell you about it after it happens. I've gotta go to bed now, or else I'd write more. I've got a few other things I could tell you about, but alas, no time!

I slept in later than planned. Very unfortunate because it meant abandoning plans with a dear friend. Hopefully she'll consider forgiving me. Watched a basketball game. Went and studied at the Knowledge Center. Talked plenty on the phone today. Talked to the parentals given this whole holiday thing. Mother's Day and what not. It's always a good thing. We talked about plenty indeed. I'd add more commentary, but I'm awfully sleepy right now. Although I hear the feedback about my blogs from my drunken debauchery are rather amusing. I'll have to blog when less than sober more often, mayhaps. Mayhaps, anyway, not too often.

I've posted a blog on Blogspot and Wordpress. Just for the record. Check it out, and comment, or message me. I want to be challenged. Please, I encourage it. I'm afraid that no one will do so, though. Challenge me, that is. I have to challenge myself, perhaps. I'm afraid that other people will be too afraid. You know exactly who you are, faithful reader. You are terrified of being pushed, of being forced out of your comfort zone. You know that if someone were to honestly, purely, passionately push you, you wouldn't push back. You won't stand up for yourself. I meant to write "wouldn't" and wrote "won't" instead. I don't question my subconscious, though. I purely intend to follow its impulses. Instead of "would not" you "will not". My subconscious has less faith in you, dear reader, than my conscious. It overrides my conscoius impulses and forces me to call you out for the terrified individual that you are. If you aren't terrified, disregard my entire message contained within. Disregard it all. Close the window containing this irrelevant message. If, however, this message stricks you true squarely upon the heart, then take it to heart. Take this message with you to the end of your soul. Take the message and force yourself to change, to find what you want, to actually do what you want to do, for once. Figure out what you want and get it. Just get it. Stop being unhappy, start being happy. Go after whatsoever will make you  happy with your entire heart and stop accepting no for an answer if it is unjustified. If it is, somehow inconcievably justified, then go after something else. Make yourself a hero, a super hero, a heroine. make yourself exactly what you want to be. Stop taking no for an answer, when you have the power to change your conception of self. I'm tired of being forced into a box, into expectations, into what others think about me. I'm just plain tired. I'm tired of following what society expects, what my friends expect, what the people most dear to me expect. I just want to relax and have fun and stop worrying about the consequences. Just to do it and follow whatsoever strikes my fancy without possible repercussions. Without echoes, without following reverberations through my entire life.

Last day of class=LDOC, btw. It was kinda good to get through my second to last day of class for the Spring Semester. I didn't blog last night because I stayed up all night due to the joys of a paper I was writing. I meant to take a quick nap and accidentally slept much longer than expected. I ended up getting about 4 hours of sleep or so. I'll be going to sleep soon, seeing as how I'm rather tired and less than sober. I've had some alcohol tonight, I'll admit. It's mostly as that this is the first time in a while I've had to relax and just not have to do anything tonight for about 10 days. First time in 10 days, that is. I'm probably not making as much sense as I could. At any rate I had Sartre in which I turned in my paper. I'm done in that class but I will still go to the final time, although it'll just be to chat and hang out, honestly. I also had Ballet, which was kinda rough given how sore and tired I was from the camp this weekend. I need to workout more so I can handle three straight days of dance stuff. 19th Cent. Phil. was alright. My organ lesson wasn't terrible and now I've been at home. I watched a lot of stuff online through my TV. That was fun. I'll have more fun once I'm done with finals, though. But for now, sleep.

So I definitely shaved my face, but only two people noticed during the whole of the day. Admittedly I did sleep in until one PM, but who's counting. I went to 19th Cent. Phil. That wasn't too bad. I took care of some frat stuff, seeing as how tonight they actually did the ceremony that made me not be president anymore. Not too bad, either. I spent roughly from 4:30 to 10 working on stuff for dance. Including such joys as sitting around. I did get to move my car and pick up some candy for people at the beginning, so that made it a little more exciting. It will be a fantastic show, so I'm pretty stoked for that, though. I also helped a few friends with some theory stuff. Now I'm probably gonna go to bed. I haven't yet decided if I'm going to go to Dance Crit to hear Lily Cai lecture or not. Sleep and food may be more interesting.

Alright, so Saturday for the Jazz Festival was pretty much wholly the volunteering thing. Deidre picked me up and we went to Olive Garden for food. Then we went back and hung out for a while. I was really quite tired and thanks to her, awfully relaxed and sleepy, so I went straight to sleep after she left rather than blog first. It's not my fault, I swear. I didn't have to wake up for church on Sunday for the first time since my birthday over two months ago. I picked Yoshi up and we went to Fascinating Rhythm for the Opus 5 Dance audition for ARTown this summer. I had a lot of fun at the audition, but don't believe I made it into any dances. I'll know for sure by this Friday. I went home and took an Epsom Salt bath given how sore I was from the audition. It lasted some 4 hours without any real break except for changing shoes or inbetween groups during the audition. I worked on my paper, but didn't have it done before trying to go to sleep. I took a nap and worked some more. I ended up taking another nap, but that one lasted longer than anticipated and I essentially woke up this morning. So no blog last night for that reason. I didn't go to Sartre, nor Ballet this morning, but I did finish my paper for 19th Cent. Phil. I went to UNR by a little after 1 and worked on laying floor in Nightingale with some dance peeps. Then I went to 19th Cent. Phil. They needed more help, or so I thought, so I didn't go to my organ lesson. Except for a quick break in which I went home to get my laptop, I stayed from 4 PM to 10 PM. During that break, I actually got a ride to my car from what was essentially a golf cart driven by some student cadets with the UNR police department. That was kinda interesting. I've just finished eating and now blogging for several days' worth of activities. Time for sleep.

Bowr? So apparently Myspace finally figured out their new blog input format. Big problem with that? I used to use the entry box as a measuring stick for a minimum to write about for the night. Now the box is significantly bigger. I may just have to wing it more often. Hmmm, or add more filler? We'll have to see which I trend more towards, eh? Anyway, more about today. I finally went back to Sartre, it's been a week since my last time there. And it won't happen again on Friday, because I've got to volunteer for the Jazz Festival on Friday. I went home and chilled for a while. Long break. I managed to write my VSA and make the agenda for PMA and just made it to class right as it started. 19th Cent. Phil was not too bad. I got copies made of the agenda and that was good. I also discovered that someone felt it necessary to deface my image on the chapter picture that's up on the board. There was a mustache drawn on and something written on my chest. I hear there was also a pushpin through my crotch, apparently. Some people are so mature. Awesome. Anyway, went up to Lombardi for a photo shoot for Insight. That was interesting. I'll keep you posted if anything comes of it, which I hear it likely will. Then I went back to the CFA and hung out with some brothers before the exec board meeting. But that didn't really coalesce as such, mostly just as hanging out talking. Also good. The meeting itself didn't start on time, low attendance. Those of us there went up and sang to the new members of SAI. Meeting was very short, so that people could go to the Orchestra concert. We were missing two of our new officers, so the chapter decided to wait to install until next week. I'm not going to be able to attend, so hopefully they'll figure it out without me. I went home for a bit before heading back to Lombardi at 9 to work on choreography. I'm doing my study tomorrow. I'm actually going to go to bed pretty soon here and hopefully actually go to Lombardi to work on it some more in the morning before going to Dance Production. I've got the 4 phrases, I just need to actually make a dance out of it, rather than just a collection. I've finished filling up the box, giggidy, and so will now be publishing. Don't expect this much in the future, but the first time I see it is special enough.

So next week is gonna suck because of how busy I'm gonna be. Anyway, today. Dance Production really just featured discussion of next week's plans. Latin wasn't too bad. I had lunch with some awesome peeps. Choir was interesting, especially considering we have a concert in 9 days. 3 more rehearsals and the big show. We'll see how well that one goes. Cari was merciful and didn't make me go today for Choreography given the week I just had and all the stuff with Jenna that was tearing me up. I'll still have to go Thursday, but the extra couple of days will make a big difference, especially in my mindset. I went home and chilled with Mike for a while. Then the roomies. Then Deidre picked me up for Dance and that was awesome. We hung out for a while after. I put some more antifreeze in my car so that will hopefully be better. I'm going to bed soon. I'll do my VSA and make my final agenda for Phi Mu Alpha tomorrow after Sartre before 19th Cent. Phil. 

So I didn't actually go to Sartre this morning. I had to do some publicity stuff for Dance Production. I should've done as much last week on Thursday, but for a whole variety of reasons did not. So I took care of it and made it to ballet just barely in time to not be late. Apparently the teacher was running behind too. Then I got some food from Panda Express with Yoshi. That was awesome. Then I went to the library to check out the Martha Graham video I needed, except I found that it was actually available as a DVD, so I got that instead. I also discovered a message on Myspace from Jenna, more on that later. 19th Cent. Phil. was not terribly exciting, honestly. Not a bad class, but nothing to write home about either. My organ lesson was in a lot of ways terrible. In a lot of ways decent. I played a piece or two worse than I had ever played in my life, not even exaggerating or being excessively tough on myself. I just couldn't stand to focus and that doesn't help it. Immediately following my lesson I went and talked with Jenna for a while. It actually did help me, in a lot of ways. I don't know how much it helped her, but hopefully she got something out of it. I really do wish her all the good in the world and hope that she sincerely finds happiness and freedom from any of her problems in life. Don't know if she believes me, but I know what I believe, so it's alright with me either way. I hung out with the roommates for a while. Then I eventually started working on my textual analysis paper for Choreography. All done with that and I've eaten food. I'm supposed to perform a Study tomorrow for Choreography too, but I haven't really had the time, nor focus to work on it. I'm going to ask Cari tomorrow if I can't do it on Thursday. If not, I'll work on it instead of going to Latin and also before I go to choreography after Choir. Something will work out, and I'll definitely figure out something to show in class, if I have to. It'd just be easier not to have to. I'll let you know how that one goes, tomorrow night.

So here was my day, dig? Sartre started it off. Then I drove around some and eventually bought a few car care items, but no coolant as of yet. I'm still hoping that it will generally not cause me too much trouble, but we'll see. Then I went over to Jenna's. I picked up her and a friend of hers, Beka, and we went to lunch. We went to Yen-Ching's so that I could eat Chinese and they could eat Sushi. That went pretty well. Apparently Beka approves of me, so that's good at least. I went to 19th Cent. Phil and that was not too terrible. No Free Improv today, though. Exec Board didn't really meet, either. The chapter meeting was kinda chaotic, honestly. Then we had Gold Night, and that was interesting as well. After that all finished up I went upstairs and spent at least an hour talking with some probationary members. I kinda lost track of the time, honestly. At any rate, I'm consumed food and will now be going to sleep. Hope y'all's night went well.

I know it isn't clever, but I put it up there anyway. I started my day with Dance Production. That was pretty hip. Latin went not terribly, actually. I didn't go to lunch, instead I went to the CFA and waited until Jenna got out of class. I hung out with her and walked her to class. Then I came back and had choir. Then I met with a woman from A.S.U.N. about being a Student-At-Large to help select the new editor for the Sagebrush. Then I went to choreography. We ended up having a discussion for the entire class period about what it means to call something art or a performance. I got back my grade on my second piece, and I think that she gave me a much higher grade than I deserved, but oh well. I talked with Cari about some advising stuff, and I think I'm closer to having figured it out. I've still got to talk with my philosophy adviser at some point. Then I had church choir rehearsal. I played darts with the roommates. Now I'm gonna write my VSA and make an agenda before going to bed.

My head and stomach hurt, but I still need to blog. I'll be going to sleep soon, though. I was a little bit late to Sartre this morning. We had a sub for Ballet, again. I'm reasonably sure that the class is our instructor's lowest priority sometimes. Apparently today the problem was that she's moving, and the day is just insane for her. I got lunch with Yoshi, so that was pretty hip. 19th Cent. Phil wasn't too bad. My organ lesson was mixed, and we definitely heard an explosion during it, so that distracted our focus. You can read more about it here. Then I came home and watched the Tar Heels destroy the Spartans in the national title game for Men's Basketball. Jenna came over and hung out for a while before going to work. She also had a headache. I'm still not quite feeling well, so I'm going to go to sleep in hopes of feeling better when I wake up, or at least not feeling nauseous so I can get some food in me. 

I got up in time with some help from Jenna and made it to Sartre right as class started. I've got the paper assignment for it, and should probably start working on that soon. I ate food at home then went over to Jenna's and we hung out for like an hour. Then I went to 19th Cent. Phil and turned in my late VSA. Better than nothing. Then Free Improv was kidna fun. I played piano for a couple of numbers and danced for one while Dr. Winn played. Kevin couldn't attend today because of scheduling stuff. The meeting was interesting, but everything worked out fine. After I hung out with some probationary members. I also figured out a way to make my life less stressful, so that was good. I also practiced organ for a little under an hour after I finished talking with the fellows. I picked up food from China Diner and will now do my dance homework before going to bed.

So I was a little late to Dance Production. I just couldn't stop coughing before leaving my apartment, before even finishing getting dressed, actually. I'm not sick, it's just where mucous likes to sit after I've slept and it was thicker than usual this morning for some reason. That went well. Latin worked alright as well. And I got to see Jenna for like 5 minutes before going to it. Then I went to the CSU and was helpful for the Choral Festival. I suppose I should've made part II the title, but I didn't. Deal. Choreography was quite enjoyable as well. I gotta figure out my piece for Thursday. I hung out with a few probationary members for a little wihle in the CFA before heading home and eating. Then I went to Holy Cross and ran a choir rehearsal. I picked up my bag and laptop from home and went to the CFA to help my little brother study for the national exam. We ended up talking about a lof of other stuff as well, so that was good. I also chatted with a few other PMA fellows, another probationary and an alumnus. Then I practiced organ. I just finished my VSA that was due on Monday for 19th Cent. Phil. I'm going to eat and go to sleep. Hopefully with Jenna's help I'll wake up at 8:30 tomorrow. I suppose if any of you would desperately like to call me, I'll be waking up then.

Still gotta finish homework, so I'll give the short version. I know I always say that and the blogs always end up the same length anyway, but let's play pretend, eh? I went to Sartre, but not to Ballet. I went to the CSU and volunteered for the choral festival instead. So for that I ended up being helpful about from 11 to 1:30 or so. Included in that time was singing with the Chamber Choir. I'll be volunteering again tomorrow from 12-3 and singing again at some point in the middle there. 19th Cent. Phil was back, so that went pretty well. My organ lesson didn't suck. I took Dave to watch Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back. Then came home and watched TV. Now am going to do my study guide and go to class tomorrow. And my blog ended up the same length again. I gotta stop doing that.

Alright, so it's Friday. And I slept in again. I gotta improve upon that. I'll have to start setting an alarm for when to go to sleep instead of when to wake up. I did wake up after when Jenna called me to see if I wanted to hang out. We did hang out, incidentally. And she reminded me that today was the last day to pay the deferred tuition. So, in addition to everything else she's done, she made sure I'm still in school now. After hanging out with her I went to Lombardi and helped with both social dance classes. Then I picked Jenna up and we came back to my apartment to hang out for a while. Deidre joined and the roomies were there for a while. I took her home after everyone else had either gone to sleep or just left for the night. I bought some groceries on my way home, including Liquid Plum-r. My drain in the bathroom works again! Well, it's always worked, it's just taken a half an hour or so. And now I'm going to go to sleep. I won't have to wake up until about 11:30 tomorrow, so I hopefully won't sleep in.

I wrote one for Jenna last night and now I've just finished another one. It's fun to write a letter by hand, actually. Anyway, back to the day and all. I woke up well in time for class thanks to a wake up call from Jenna. So I wasn't late for class for the first time since before I can remember. Then I came back home and ate food. I received a slightly distressing text message or three from Deidre. She's doing better now, but keep her in your thoughts, so long as you think happy thoughts. I got to hang out with Jenna for most of the afternoon from about 12:30 until 3:30. It felt like much longer, which reminded me of something I told my first girlfriend. I told her that one of my ways of judging people and how I interacted with them was how I felt about the passage of time and whether or not that time slowed down around certain people. So the fact that it felt like more of a complete day thing than just three hours was fun. Back to the grindstone, though. I went to free improv. While I only danced for one piece, I had quite a bit of fun playing with a pair of chairs. It's fun to use leverage to create all sorts of new and interesting shapes out of just two chairs. Then I killed an hour of time and then Exec Board met. We put together nominations for chapter officers. We're having our election next week. So exactly 7 days from now I won't be chapter President anymore, barring some unforeseen disaster. It's actually kinda a weird thought, but also somewhat welcome, given the other aspects of my life gaining in speed and importance. Someone asked me if I would consider holding an office again next year, but I just won't have the time, honestly. The meeting started late and ran long, so I was rather tired, and because I wasn't drinking enough water I had started to develop a headache. It went away eventually, but not until after I'd been home for a while. I chilled with the roomies some and then they went to sleep. Now that I've written a blog and written a letter as well as eaten I'm going to go to sleep. Mmmm, sleep. Night all!

And it's mostly good, I swear. I had Sartre to begin the day. Then Ballet, which went pretty well. I went home and got some food. I didn't have 19th Cent. Phil. as Professor Williams is out of town at a conference until next week. Then I had my organ lesson. That should've gone better, but I gotta find more time to practice. That's really as simple as that. After that I met Jenna at Idlewild park and we spent some time talking. I went over to her apartment and we played Indiana Jones monopoly. We didn't finish, but I'm reasonably sure that she would've won, had we counted up the money differential. I've just now finished my dance Production study guides and will have a quick snack before going to sleep. Tomorrow will also be fun, but more enjoyable than today was, class-wise.

Surprisingly no fraternity meeting tonight. Actually not surprising, but for you out there in blog world, you probably didn't see it coming. Anyway, woke up and went to Sartre. Not too bad. I came home and ate food. Then I worked on my philosophy stuff for 19th Cent Phil, miniseries about him to come, and Jenna came over and we hung out before I had to go to class. 19th Cent Phil actually wasn't too bad. I turned in my VSA and did part of my presentation. However, I didn't get to finish. Dr. Williams offered that I could finish at the beginning of next class. Which will not be next week because of Spring Break, nor will it be the week thereafter as Dr. Williams will be at a conference. No, I won't get the chance until the 30th of March. That's a good 19 days away. Then Free Improv was fun and fairly productive. I got some food and then went to the CFA for two Dress Rehearsals of the Student Show. I'll be working that on Friday. Then I practiced organ for a while and did some Latin homework. Now I've come home to eat food. Soon sleep, probably.

So here's a quick recap of my day, why not. I didn't have Dance Production, so I set my alarm for later. But I also slept through Latin, so that kinda sucked. I'll have to write out the lines for Thursday. I made it to choir alright, which was good as we have a concert in two days. Choreography was pretty fun. Then I had just long enough to get some food from 7-11 and go to the CFA for another choir rehearsal. We rehearsed with the orchestra and Dr. Altieri, who will be directing 4 out of the 5 movements in Lux Aeterna. Should be quite a bit of fun. Then I came home and ate food. Then was lazy. Then Jenna came over. Then I ate some more food. Now I'm going to sleep. I should've done some stuff, but I'll take care of it tomorrow after Sartre.